Getting Started on the Honesty Road

Day one

30 days of truth.

So before I start on this one and the list is long I feel I need to explain a little something first. Although the following list is true and honest I happen to be on a new journey in life, so this challenge has come just at the right time as I'm at the beginning of finding my Authentic Self  and this will help me dig deep and be honest with myself. But it also means that although this is the person I am today I am really hoping that as I move forward on my new path I leave some of these characteristics behind.

Okay so I spent a good part of yesterday and today thinking about all the things I hate (dislike) about myself  and boy the list just kept getting longer so I guess I'll start by just writing a list.

. I hate that I can't let go of the past. This is a biggy for me it has and still is causing me a lot of pain and I have made many bad choices and decisions because of it. I won't go into to much detail right now but my husband and I have known each other for nearly  23 years I first dated him when I was 17 but we have only been married for 11years.

First it's the events of our first break up that has me going over and over the past. Mike did not treat me well during this time I hear you saying why didn't I just walk away I tried oh how I tried I even moved away but it seems that God  had other plans for us after all we are married now (Just).

Second there are times in our marriage that I feel Mike has really let me down. I never did have the chance to do the nesting thing when I was pregnant with our first baby. I had made the curtains and bedding and all the accessories for the nursery myself  but Mike never did get the nursery done, not until Tallon was born. Lucky I was in hospital for 5 days and friends of ours came round and got the room ready.

This is sad but the list goes on and I really don't want to dwell on these times. This will be something I hope to leave behind soon.

. I hate that I am so indecisive. I am just awful at making decisions perhaps because I've made some real stinkers in the past.

. I hate that I'm so undisciplined. I can take hours and so much care over say a new routine for me and the family and I know it's for the best but it doesn't take long before I slip back to my old ways.

.I hate that I am so disorganised this is for most things in my life how I manage to get the kids to school on time I have no idea.

. I hate that I'm a when and then person. You know when that happens I'll then do that. A good example of this is our house is on the market at the moment we had sold it (it's all fallen through now) so I was going to start this blog when we moved. So I guess you could say that I've already started to work on this one.

. I hate that I'm useless when it comes to birthdays I have all good intentions on making sure birthday cards get to the person on time or that I get the present all wrapped up ready for the visit but the truth is I don't and it's always late and I'm still wrapping present in the car on the way to whoever birthday it is. I'M USELESS!

. I hate that I have spent the last six, seven years being so negative. My family are very negative people, I thought I was different and may be once I was but taking a good look at myself  I have become a very negative, glass half empty kinda gal and I don't like what it has done to me and my family.

So out of all this the thing I hate most about me is that I have taken so long to realise that life is good, no fantastic but the good thing is that it's not to late to make some changes.

Wow after all that soul searching and honesty I feel a little sad so here's one from the past. Three little rays of sunshine and three reasons to be grateful.

I hope I did okay on this one I'm not a writer and sometimes I find it hard to get my words down on paper.